You don't really know what you can handle, until you are pushed past your breaking point. The hardest obstacle that I have been put through so far is losing my Grandmother. To lose someone who was basically your best friend, and the glue to your family, really makes you re-evaluate your life.
I never thought that I would lose my grandmother this young. Hell- in reality, I was one of the lucky ones. I was lucky enough to have her around for 18 years of my life. She will never realize how much she impacted my life. But I hope she is proud of the changes that she has seen in my since she has left.
So this post goes out to my very first guardian angel. I love you Gracie Belle.
What losing my Grandma taught me....
Nothing lasts forever.
I know that this may sound a tad negative, but its the truth. I don't mean it negatively, I mean it bluntly. Nothing does last forever. As badly as we wish it did, it just doesn't. We need to come to terms with this, we may never understand it, but we still need to come to terms with it.
Say I love you... every chance you get.
You never know when your last moment with someone will be. You need to cherish every single moment that you have with someone. You should even cherish every moment that you have with yourself. Tell everyone, including yourself that you love them.
You never truly know how strong you are.
Everyone feels like they have a breaking point, that they have reached it before. But believe me, you haven't. You can always be stronger than you think are you. You WILL always be stronger than you think you are. It is all about your mentality. We get a little bit stronger everyday. The more you keep growing mentally, the stronger you will get.
Crying doesn't mean that you are weak, but it also does not solve all of your problems.
I have no fear in crying. Either in public, or by myself, I have no fear in it. Crying may release emotion, but it doesn't solve your problems. I broke down when grandma passed. I ran downstairs, made a phone call, then ran back up. Although, I couldn't make it back upstairs.. I broke down even harder, literally hysterical. I cried a lot the next day too... But, for some reason from then on, my breakdowns got farther and farther apart. Crying just seemed to give me a headache and ruin my make up... Throughout all the tears, they never brought grandma back.
There is good in every situation.
Did I lose someone that I may never see again? Yes. But even in that situation, I learned something. I learned just how strong I can be. I learned just how strong my entire family can be. And I also made some memories with my family that I will cherish forever. I saw family that I hadn't seen in years, and i also saw family whom I had never even met before. The whole time frame was a beautiful tragedy. Do I that wish that I still had my grandma? Of course. But, I am happy that I had an amazing family to cope with.
Life always goes on.
Even though a life was taken from this earth, my life didn't take a break. I still had work. I still had school. I still had to wake up every morning and still go on with my day. No matter how badly that I wanted to stop and give up, I couldn't. Nothing worth having comes easy. But a happy, healthy lifestyle is worth it.
Life isn't fair.
I remember that I had a talk with someone around this time last year. We were talking about the family members that we had lost recently. I mentioned how it wasn't fair that my grandma was taken from this earth so young, in such a terrible way. And he then told me that I was wrong for thinking him that way. I bit my tongue and moved on. If he is ever reading this though, he will find out what I really wanted to say to him...
Ya know, maybe I am being selfish for thinking that my grandma was too young to go when she went at 73, even though there are people that go younger. And maybe it is selfish to think that it wasn't fair my grandmother had to live the last 3-5 months of her life in PAIN due to a DEADLY disease in her body, even though people get murdered. But you know what? In MY situation, it isn't fair. My story, is no one else's story. I cannot compare my problems and losses to someone else's. I wouldn't trade mine for someone else's either. What happened to my grandma was not fair to my grandma. She did not choose to leave this earth at the age of 73, that fate was given to her. SO when I say that it wasn't fair. I mean it isn't fair in my little world. Not in anyone else's.
Don't compare your problems to someone else's. Chances are they will compare back, or they really, truly will not care.
It is a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply.
I am an empath, I absorb other people's energy. I feel everything around me. If there is an emotion, I can promise you that I have felt it 100x by now. I love being able to feel things, especially all the happy emotions. But there is always bad that comes with the good. I have anxiety, sometimes I feel depressed, sometimes I feel lazy. Sometimes I feel nothing at all. But one thing that I can be proud of is that if I do something, I do it 100%.
You really find out who cares about you and who never did. What matters is that you were there when it was hard, not when it was easy.
People will always say that they love you, and they will always be there when it is convenient. I have also come to believe that family does not only mean blood. You have blood that will be there, blood that won't be there, friends that will be there, and friends that won't be there. Family should be defined as the ones who said they would be there for you, and they proved it. The ones who went out of their way to help you through the tough times. Those are the people who deserve your attention and positive energy. But keep in mind nothing deserves your negative energy, if someone is not worth your positive energy, they are not worth your energy at all. Just because someone has the title 'family' does not necessarily mean they are family. You can't choose your blood, but you can choose your own family. Give your family its own definition, let the positive energy radiate around you. Because in the 'big' picture, we all are 'family', right?
Everyone copes with things differently.
As I stated before about crying, everyone copes with things differently. When grandma passed, while it was nice to be around all of my family, it was also nice to get away from everything. For some reason, it is said that when someone passes away, you should surround yourself by friends and family. For me? Not so much. I like to be alone. Not because I am depressed, but because I like to do my own thing. I like to have time to myself. Time to think about the situation around me, and also time to get my mind of the situation. It was amazing to have my family there for me, but it was also amazing to get away from it all and hang out with my friends as well. Getting my mind off things helps me cope... Try to find out what helps you cope during tough times.
I want to travel.
This one is a bit more personal. My Grandfather was in the Air Force, so my grandmother traveled all around the world with him. I think it is an amazing experience and I plan to start keeping track of all the places I have been, I want to be able to look back one day and remember all the amazing memories that I made.
You don't treasure what you have until you lose it.
It's true. We don't realize it, but it's true. I know almost everyone that reads this post have seen this quote in a different shape or form one time or another. If so many of people know this quote, then why do we still tend to act this way? Why do we not cherish all the good around? We always pick at the negative things, and let the small beautiful gestures get rolled in the dirt. We don't understand everything about this world, and we never will. But one thing that we all need to start understanding is that we can lose something we love in a matter of seconds. Treasure it now while you still can.
Bottom line, be happy. Keep your head
What have you learned since you have lost a loved one?
Have you ever just sat down and thought to yourself that this isn't right? That this isn't how your story is supposed to be?
I've been thinking that a lot recently.
I know everyday we grow up a little more than we did yesterday, but I can't help but think that lately I haven't been accomplishing anything at all. My problem is that I am tired. All. The Time. And it is weird because no amount of sleep has been fixing this...
I decided to go to my idol Jensy Scarola. (If you have never heard of her click here. I am so blessed to be such a close friend of hers.) When I was talking to her, I told her that I have been so tired lately, drained almost, and I just couldn't seem to find myself. And she brought up a solution that I had not thought of. She told me that I am an 'empath', I feed off the energy of others... So she had asked me if I had any negative influences in my life at the moment, and it all started to make sense.
I was focusing so hard on fixing the negatives, that I had forgotten about all the positives around me. It's crazy how we focus on the things that hurt us, not the things that make us shine.
So- what can I do to fix this? Honestly there is only one way- just do it.
I am going to start asking myself three questions everyday.
"Who's life can I impact today?"
"What can I do today to better myself?"
"What can I do to bring myself closer to my goals?"
It is so weird how things change everyday. You can have one curve ball thrown at you and suddenly your entire life has changed. Mine was losing my Grandma. Honestly- I have never lost anyone before that. I never knew what it felt like to lose everything within a matter of seconds. It made me see life so differently. So As badly as I want it to.... I have to understand that my life will never be the same. But that doesn't have to be a negative thing. It can be a positive thing as well. I just need to find my new normal.
What exactly is a 'normal' though? What is normal for me doesn't necessarily need to be normal for you. What makes me smile, probably isn't going to make you smile. So I need to find what makes me smile. What makes my heart smile?
I like waking up early. I like helping others. I like cuddling with my dogs before I fall asleep. I like going on long walks, intense runs, and having a really tough workout everyday. I like getting dressed up and going on nice dates. I like meeting new people. I like being sore from a work out the day before. I enjoy doing laundry and cleaning. I enjoy eating clean.
So tell me... If I like these things, why don't I do them?
Easy..... because I am human.
I love being healthy and I love helping people. I also love being active.
But I also love m&m's. I love getting advice from people. I love being lazy all day and watching Lifetime movies. I love drinking diet coke & going out to dinner. I love chips and salsa.
Nothing can be rainbows and sunshine all the time. The best part of the story is always overcoming the obstacles, right?
So moral of this whole story is that, just because someone looks like they have it all together all the time, doesn't mean that they do. Everyone has struggles, everyone has hard times. We just have to push through them and make the most of them. Trying your hardest every single day to be the best person you can be will help you accomplish all your goals. With time, effort, and love & support, we can overcome ANYTHING we put our minds to!
So everyday that you wake up, start asking yourself the three questions.
"Who's life can I impact today?"
"What can I do today to better myself?"
"What can I do to bring myself closer to my goals?"
AND REMEMBER. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Every person that has come through my life, has taught me a lesson. Whether that person is still in my life or not, they have taught me something.
I am the type of person that tries to take lessons that I have learned and bring them with me through the rest of my journey. I am definitely one to over analyze a situation until I can find a reason as to why it happened, then I try to learn from it.
But luckily, if I don't learn it the first time, history definitely has a way of repeating itself. So anyways... here are some of the things that I have learned throughout some relationships that I have encountered so far.
Self-love - Happiness Balanced nutrition - Fitness