Lately I've been trying to figure out what in the world I want to do with the rest of my life. For the longest time, it was Occupational Therapy. I had my heart that is what I wanted. I was going to be a DOCTOR of Occupational Therapy and it was going to be the biggest accomplishment of my entire life. I had all the pre-reqs ready and a binder filled with potential schools and the information I needed on ALL of them. I was so ready... but then I just decided one day, it wasn't what I wanted. I used a ton of excuses like, "it's too expensive" or "I'm not smart enough." It was so frustrating because everyone always had a rebuttal to every single excuse I gave. Then I realized I needed to stop using excuses-- it just wasn't what I wanted and that's okay. Right now I don't want to be an OT and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Then I was pondering for a while, "this sounds interesting!" and "this will make me a lot of money!" But nothing was really getting me closer to what felt right in my heart.
Then I started leaning more and more towards nutrition. It's always been something in the back of my mind, but I would have to take 'too many' pre requisite courses and it would take too long to get where I want to be. Wow, I'm going to be 25 or 26 before I start my career... I'm so old.
So now here I am, in the middle of October in 2016. I graduate in about than 2 months and I finally realized that extra school doesn't scare me. Taking a semester or a year off doesn't scare me. I want to get away for a little. I want to search. I want to try new things. I want to fail. I want to succeed. I want to see what this world has to offer me. Right now, I have an easy fall back- personal training. With my personality and knowledge, I could easily make some money with personal training while I am still figuring things out.
If I had to choose tomorrow, I would choose to become a dietitian. Why? Because I am so interested in the extra schooling. I actually want to take more classes in biology, chemistry, and the human body. The thought of extra schooling makes me excited, it doesn't scare me.
I would love to be in the food and wellness industry. With my knowledge as a personal trainer and dietitian, and with my past experiences recovering from anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder- I would love to reach out to men and women and work on the art of body image. I want to help people love themselves and one of the easiest ways to do that is from the inside out. Make-up and nice clothes can hide a lot. By taking care of your body on the inside and your mind, you can really see self-love in a whole new way.
Then I started leaning more and more towards nutrition. It's always been something in the back of my mind, but I would have to take 'too many' pre requisite courses and it would take too long to get where I want to be. Wow, I'm going to be 25 or 26 before I start my career... I'm so old.
So now here I am, in the middle of October in 2016. I graduate in about than 2 months and I finally realized that extra school doesn't scare me. Taking a semester or a year off doesn't scare me. I want to get away for a little. I want to search. I want to try new things. I want to fail. I want to succeed. I want to see what this world has to offer me. Right now, I have an easy fall back- personal training. With my personality and knowledge, I could easily make some money with personal training while I am still figuring things out.
If I had to choose tomorrow, I would choose to become a dietitian. Why? Because I am so interested in the extra schooling. I actually want to take more classes in biology, chemistry, and the human body. The thought of extra schooling makes me excited, it doesn't scare me.
I would love to be in the food and wellness industry. With my knowledge as a personal trainer and dietitian, and with my past experiences recovering from anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder- I would love to reach out to men and women and work on the art of body image. I want to help people love themselves and one of the easiest ways to do that is from the inside out. Make-up and nice clothes can hide a lot. By taking care of your body on the inside and your mind, you can really see self-love in a whole new way.
So why exactly am I writing this? On my food/recovery page? Well, because today was another battle that I conquered.
I really wanted a taco after work today. I didn't stop on the way home because the inner demon got the better of me. I was actually hungry and that's why I blame the demon. I was hungry and deliberately said no to spending one dollar on a taco because I didn't know the nutritional value of it. Could I have eaten something at home? Sure, but that isn't the point. I didn't get the taco because I was scared of the taco.
So what happened next? I got home and my parents said "if you were craving a taco, you should've just stopped." They were right. I actually got in my car and drove to get a taco. I WAS SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF! Take that ya stupid demons.
So then I was scrolling through Instagram right before my shower. I haven't really been getting on and scrolling through social media that often lately (and it's made me much happier), but I decided to because I was bored. I scrolled for all of 5 minutes and put my phone away. I came across a health and fitness account I follow and usually I would get really let down, discouraged, and sad because hey- this girl has the strength not to get a taco, look at her abs. Look at how skinny she is. She's perfect. Even the pictures of her food look perfect.
But you know my thoughts this time? "That's a really good recipe- I think I'm going to try that for breakfast!" "She looks amazing, I'm really glad her routine is working for her." "Maybe I should try that ab workout- it looks challenging." I didn't have these usual negative thoughts!! And what I did after I put my phone down? I look in my damn mirror at my naked body and smiled. A big 'ole beautiful genuine smile because I feel so good about myself. My workout today was KILLER and my legs are so sore from yesterdays workout that I can just see the muscles growing. I literally started dancing in the mirror. I could see my muscles moving and I felt so amazing. Can you believe that taco didn't make me gain 20 pounds? Hard to believe I could still see my beautiful, strong muscles. (Sarcasm alert!)
Balance is really the freaking key here. I work my butt off during my workouts and I get so much activity in everyday that I feel so good! I drink water, eat vegetables, meal prep, and eat the correct portions. So when I want to have a taco? Better believe I'm going to have the damn taco. I'm in such a ridiculously amazing place right now mentally it's almost hard for me to swallow. If someone were to tell me that I would start to love myself some day, I would've thought they meant when I'm 40. It just goes to show if you put in a ridiculous amount of effort and you never give up, anything is possible.
It took me 22 damn years but I made it. I freaking LOVE the woman I am. I love my loud crazy personality. I love the fact that I take chances now and leave my comfort zone (wtf is a comfort zone anymore, anyways?). I love that I can eat food and not be scared of it (most of the time... I have my moments but they are so much more scarce). I love that I can look in the mirror and see such a beautiful figure. I love that I am okay with my future not being planned out to a T. I love that nothing about me is perfect.
Most importantly I love that I never gave up on myself. I am so strong and I am so powerful...and it shows. So here I am, a 22 year old woman overcoming inner demons and learning to love herself. I've made such amazing progress and I can't wait to see myself make more with the days to come.
P.S.- Jensy, when we talked the other day about what I wanted to do with my life... it finally rings clear. I want to learn. I want to love myself. I want to help people. I want to learn more, so I can keep growing, so I can teach/help others learn to love themselves. It's my calling. And I love you for taking the time out to help me see that.
I really wanted a taco after work today. I didn't stop on the way home because the inner demon got the better of me. I was actually hungry and that's why I blame the demon. I was hungry and deliberately said no to spending one dollar on a taco because I didn't know the nutritional value of it. Could I have eaten something at home? Sure, but that isn't the point. I didn't get the taco because I was scared of the taco.
So what happened next? I got home and my parents said "if you were craving a taco, you should've just stopped." They were right. I actually got in my car and drove to get a taco. I WAS SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF! Take that ya stupid demons.
So then I was scrolling through Instagram right before my shower. I haven't really been getting on and scrolling through social media that often lately (and it's made me much happier), but I decided to because I was bored. I scrolled for all of 5 minutes and put my phone away. I came across a health and fitness account I follow and usually I would get really let down, discouraged, and sad because hey- this girl has the strength not to get a taco, look at her abs. Look at how skinny she is. She's perfect. Even the pictures of her food look perfect.
But you know my thoughts this time? "That's a really good recipe- I think I'm going to try that for breakfast!" "She looks amazing, I'm really glad her routine is working for her." "Maybe I should try that ab workout- it looks challenging." I didn't have these usual negative thoughts!! And what I did after I put my phone down? I look in my damn mirror at my naked body and smiled. A big 'ole beautiful genuine smile because I feel so good about myself. My workout today was KILLER and my legs are so sore from yesterdays workout that I can just see the muscles growing. I literally started dancing in the mirror. I could see my muscles moving and I felt so amazing. Can you believe that taco didn't make me gain 20 pounds? Hard to believe I could still see my beautiful, strong muscles. (Sarcasm alert!)
Balance is really the freaking key here. I work my butt off during my workouts and I get so much activity in everyday that I feel so good! I drink water, eat vegetables, meal prep, and eat the correct portions. So when I want to have a taco? Better believe I'm going to have the damn taco. I'm in such a ridiculously amazing place right now mentally it's almost hard for me to swallow. If someone were to tell me that I would start to love myself some day, I would've thought they meant when I'm 40. It just goes to show if you put in a ridiculous amount of effort and you never give up, anything is possible.
It took me 22 damn years but I made it. I freaking LOVE the woman I am. I love my loud crazy personality. I love the fact that I take chances now and leave my comfort zone (wtf is a comfort zone anymore, anyways?). I love that I can eat food and not be scared of it (most of the time... I have my moments but they are so much more scarce). I love that I can look in the mirror and see such a beautiful figure. I love that I am okay with my future not being planned out to a T. I love that nothing about me is perfect.
Most importantly I love that I never gave up on myself. I am so strong and I am so powerful...and it shows. So here I am, a 22 year old woman overcoming inner demons and learning to love herself. I've made such amazing progress and I can't wait to see myself make more with the days to come.
P.S.- Jensy, when we talked the other day about what I wanted to do with my life... it finally rings clear. I want to learn. I want to love myself. I want to help people. I want to learn more, so I can keep growing, so I can teach/help others learn to love themselves. It's my calling. And I love you for taking the time out to help me see that.