So today I made a big decision as well. I sucked up my pride and made an apology to someone I have hurt in the past. I was listening to a song that reminded me of them and I finally realized that it was time. Isn’t it sad that we let our pride get in the way of relationships? We get so infatuated in our own ways that we are scared to let that wall down. Today I realized that my pride is not worth it. I am a human being and I was created to love others and be loved. Like I have said before, I was put on this earth to help people…to love people.
But with wanting to be there for everyone comes being used and becoming broken. I do too much and I know I do. I will say that I take pride in the way that I give myself to others. I am the person who is willing to do absolutely anything to make someone else feel fulfilled. Do I get this same respect in return? Eh, if we are being honest here…no, not usually. But I will say, I am given a regular amount of respect. Not everyone goes above and beyond, so it is necessary to remind myself that I am getting the normal amount. This may be where the too much pride part comes in. I am normal; therefore I deserve nothing more than normal. Right?
Would you be willing to try something new for someone you love? Come out of your comfort zone? Do the right thing? Do things you don’t usually do? Change your ways?
Do you ask yourself these questions before you begin a new relationship? And I’m not talking solely about an intimate relationship; I’m talking friendships as well. I treat all my relationships the same—friends and partners. Are you willing to give every ounce of your effort to this person? Before I make the decision to pursue a relationship I make sure to ask myself this question because I know for a fact, if I am not going to get someone’s full heart, I don’t want the relationship. This is the reason why I would never half-ass a relationship. I guess it is a treat others the way you want to be treated situation?
Just like every relationship, Rachel and I have our ups and downs. She pisses me off and I piss her off… its how relationships work and I wouldn’t have that any other way. The reason that I don’t just drop her as a friend when times get tough is because she has given me her heart. She has put her heart into this friendship and you don’t find that in just anyone. In a lot of ways, she has treated me like I treat her… that is something I don’t find often in people. This is why I hold her close to me.
I feel everything deeply. I feel love from the bottom of my heart. Generalized sadness can easily be turned into an empty feeling powered by hurt and loneliness. I feel enormous amounts of insecurity, irritation, vulnerability, and frustration. But you know what? The amount of happiness that I feel is insane. From letting go of my pride and opening myself up to the possibility of devastation, I am able to feel an entirely new level of happiness. No matter how many times I get knocked down it seems like it’ll always be worth it.
But will it always be worth it? Will it always be worth it to give someone your entire heart and soul and have them not return it? As of right now, I will say yes. I haven’t been knocked down enough to say it isn’t worth it. But I have heard that everyone has his or her limits so I supposed that only time will tell.
I love when I start a blog… I just go off on whatever topic flows through my fingertips… those are my favorite posts. In other news- I would also like to announce that I have OFFICIALLY reached one of my goals! That was to fall under 140lbs. (I am currently sitting at 139… the day I found this out, I almost cried.) Normally I would fluctuate between 147-145 and it would kill me because I was just maintaining this weight and it felt like nothing I did was working. Keep in mind that I am only 22% body fat, therefore it is not easy for someone like me to lose weight… but definitely not impossible. I decided to take a step back and breathe. I started eating like I knew I should, and exercising like I knew I should. I run again and I think this was a big part. But you know the best part about this? It has all been in a healthy way. I haven’t starved myself or limited myself. I will drink a beer; have a burger, or even an ice cream cone if I really want one! But the difference I guess is, I am doing it all in more moderation. I eat healthier meals than unhealthy meals, I usually only consume alcohol on the weekends (if at all), and I don’t just eat sweets to eat them. I gave up feeling like I needed to eat something because it was there.
Today I overcame an obstacle on this topic as well. I ate so incredibly well today and documented every part of it because I was so proud of myself! Then, I decided to have a glass of wine and crepe for dinner. Part of me wanted to go to the gym to run this evening. Let me elaborate… part of me wanted to go to the gym to run off the crepe and wine that I just consumed. But, that isn’t how health works. I am allowed to eat things that make me happy, and I don’t have to run every single day! I run when I want to (at least 5 days a week usually) because I ENJOY running! I like incorporating it into my workouts. I don’t run to be skinny. I run because it is good for my heart and it makes me feel good. I lift because I enjoy being strong and I enjoy seeing my muscles. I eat healthy because I feel amazing when I do. I know tomorrow I am going to wake up with so much energy and I am so excited for it. Eating a well balanced diet and exercising consistently puts me in a better mood and makes me a better people all around.
I don't know... today I just kind of realized that I make myself happy and I accept myself. What others do for me has no effect on what I do for me. Today was also a reminder to remember to put myself first. Nothing is worth it if you aren't happy. Nothing. I am so strong and I can overcome absolutely anything.
Okay enough ranting for the night, if anyone has any questions on my weight loss or anything health or fitness related… you know where to find me!