Anyways, when I went up to the Dairy Bar, I was thinking of different ways to talk to Rachel (concentrating mostly on how to speak without crying). I sat there and my voice shook, but I told her everything on my mind. I was hiding behind old feelings and Rachel helped me realize that I was trying to push off my feelings on to something else. Meaning that I was trying to blame someone else for something that had nothing to do with them. There was a time period where I was doing this for months straight, and it wasn’t that long ago either… so I guess I just let my old ways take over.
I never, ever take Rachel’s advice. It’s kind of funny too because I always complain to her about how she never takes my advice, but here I am, doing the same exact thing to her. More likely than not, Rachel’s advice was good advice to take. Today, she gave me some tough love and basically told me to suck it up—not exactly like that, but it is what I needed. I was expecting her to baby me and tell me that my (fake) reasoning behind my feelings was true and this too shall pass. But, she did the complete opposite. She looked right through me and told me to stop pinning my problems off on past variables. And she was right, when she explained to me her reasoning, I decided to hold myself accountable and stand back up. In that moment I realized that I was not in fear of taking the blame anymore, rather than pinning it off.
She said to me straight up “I know you’re not going to take my advice, you are probably going to do what you want to do, but just remember the consequences.” I will admit that I never take her advice, and we have joked around about it before, but I guess it is getting to the point where I need to be able to stop pretending that my problems all come from the same parasite.
We all have fears. Some fears we have carried with us, and some fears we have developed over the years due to past circumstances. I know that this post is coming from a girl who killed her first spider just a year ago, BUT-- one of these days I will take my own advice (and maybe even Rachel’s ;)).
Understand that you are not fighting to become fearless; you are learning to just be freer.
Like I said earlier, it is impossible to be fearless, the goal is to free yourself of the burden of feeling like you are not in control. You need to learn to take control of your fears.
If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try.
When we get the strength to try something that scares us, we are growing. We will never be able to grow if we don’t ever try new things. Besides—it just might be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Fear is like prison, you are trapped.
I almost get paralyzed when I see a spider, I run in the opposite direction when someone is nice to me, and I refuse to go camping due to the fear of snakes. HELL, I used to HAVE to drive everywhere because I was terrified of getting carsick. All of these fears that I have built up in my head are just trapping me. I miss out on amazing opportunities, relationships, and victories (victory=killing a spider). But, it is true, I am literally telling myself no because I am not in the right state of mind. I am living in fear when I should be living in opportunity.
Decide you want something more than you are afraid of it.
For instance, decide that you want to kill the spider so you can sleep in your room… If you want something bad enough you need to let yourself take the risk. Sometimes the things that scare us the most, end up changing us the most. Everything turns in to experience… but if you never get out and experience new things, are you really growing?
Fear is 100% dependent on YOU for it’s survival.
Your mind can play some funny games on you… but just remember, you have the chance to change the story whenever you want to. If you do not want to be afraid anymore, you have that choice, it is just up to you to take it. Also keep in mind that there are things called once in a lifetime opportunities. Do you really want to throw an opportunity away because you were too scared to try?
Lastly– The universe has a crazy way of working. Today, I chose to run from one of my fears and guess what? When I was lying in bed with Bubba after class today, a (big) bug was crawling on blanket. You can’t run from everything your entire life, and since I had already chosen to run one once today, the universe gave me another chance to redeem myself.