I went to the battlefield with Rachel today and it was gorgeous as always. We got to watch the sunset which was nice, and we also jogged a little. We got some good pictures of our handstands, too! The Manassas Battlefield is truly a beautiful site if you have never been there.
At one point today, Rachel and I were driving and singing at the top of our lungs and I just looked over at her and screamed "RACHEL I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH." Sometimes I get these overwhelming feelings of happiness, and they are my FAVORITE! I just feel so good about my life, myself, and just well, everything. Sometimes they last a long time, sometimes it's a brief minute, but it is definitely one of my favorite feelings ever. It usually happens when I am in the middle of doing something I love, that is how I know I have a passion for something and I am starting to understand that I need to do the things that I love more often. I have no idea what God has is store for me tomorrow.
So I was in a blogging mood today and SHOCKER! I read a quote and it inspired a blog post in me.
“The trouble is, you think you have time.”
I am probably one of the most forgetful humans on this planet. My mom actually made me feel a little better about it yesterday because she told me that she thinks it partly has to do with my anxiety medicine… although the other part is definitely my short attention span. It is something that I am trying to work on, but the problem is, I think I have forever to work on it.
I am a happy girl. I laugh at just about everything and 9 times out of 10 there is probably a smile on my face. I don’t usually take things to heart; I try to push off negative feelings because I feel it is easier for everyone. I have trained myself to not feel negative feelings because no one likes to be around someone who is sad all the time, right? This sounds like an awesome quality to have, right?! WRONG. I bottle the negative emotions and when I burst, I BURST. I want to learn how to feel these negative emotions in the moment and get them over with, that way they do not linger. But the problem is, I think I have time to change this, so I don’t worry about working on it now.
I have a bad habit with overthinking EVERYTHING. You could tell me your favorite color is red and I would try to figure out why you love that color so much. I love trying to find the bigger picture in situations that is why I think I do this so often. Sometimes, not everything needs to be over analyzed though. Heck, I am sure 90% of scenarios don’t need to be over analyzed, but don’t you worry… I am going to waste my time analyzing it. The problem with this is, I think I have enough time to get around to finally changing this habit one day, but in the meantime I am sitting around still analyzing.
I worry. I am such a worrywart. It isn’t my best quality and most people wouldn’t know I worry about absolutely everything, but if you know me, you will easily be able to tell. If I have the slightest bit of anxiety, Rachel can feel it. I will think that I am hiding it super well one day and she will surprise me and ask, “what are you feeling?” It blows my mind how well people can read me. Dani can tell because I will bring it up 24/7. Sami and Shelby can just look in my eyes and see it. The problem is, I feel like I will stop worrying some day. I am only 20; I have time to change that quality, right?
I could go on and on about the things that I say I will get around to doing, but honestly in the end, am I really going to do them? I say I have time, but what is time? Honestly, what is it? How much time do you really have? No one knows. That is the bittersweet part of life. No one knows how much time we have here. So why do we put off the things that could make us better people? Are we lazy? Do we just not care enough? I wish I could answer these questions, but I can’t. I don’t exactly have an answer for ‘why don’t you get around to it?’ my answer would honestly just be, ‘I don’t know’.
I don’t have time. I want to be the best version of Kylie that I can be. I refuse to keep putting things off because I feel that I have time for them. I don’t have time, my life is happening right now. I am 20 years old. I know most of you are probably thinking, “Your life hasn’t even begun yet!” But it has. I want to help others and in order to do that; I need to help myself first.
I have come such a long way from where I used to be, but I still have a long way to go. Sometimes I get down on myself, I feel lonely, and I just want to shut down. But is doesn’t last for long. I just remember to tell myself that I have a lot to accomplish in life, so I can’t stay at the pity party for long. I refuse to let the pity party take over my life. I made a mistake this semester, and it cost me my good GPA I was hoping to have after this semester. But you know what, shit happens. I learned a lesson, and ultimately, that is what matters the most.
What is something that you keep putting off doing?