Sorry I have not posted for 2 days. I have been so busy with work and babysitting and when I had the time to sit down and write, I caught up on some much needed sleep. But anyways- this weekend was a big milestone in my life. I learned a lot about myself and others in just one weekend.
So I was working on saturday night and I was just blah. I was remembering the situation where I put myself in a position to help others.... when my services are not needed. You see the thing is, I can help people with many different things, but there are also many things that I can't help them with. Things like work ethic, relationships, social drive, life drive... I cannot make people want something if they don't want it.
But you see my problem is that I care way too much, about things that I have absolutely no control over.
Why do I waste my time worrying about anything that doesn't make me grow?
That is the question I kept asking myself, but for some reason I couldn't come up with an answer for it. Finally this weekend I had an epiphany. I discovered that I was fighting a battle within myself that I was never going to win. And all for what? Nothing.
So I was doing dishes Saturday night at work and I did some deep thinking. I left my music off, and I was just in my own head. It was very calming and it spoke to me so loud. I came to one of the biggest conclusions in my life.
"Why am I worrying about the mistakes of others? I should be learning from their mistakes and using that to push my to strive more in everyday life."
I don't completely agree with the statement "you can't teach someone a lesson, they have to learn it on their own." I learn from the mistakes of others on a daily basis. And it shows. My relationship with Michael is strong as can be. My family and I are closer than ever. I am trying my absolute best at work to pick up some of the slack of the newbies and others. I don't need to lose something, get in trouble, get caught, or get yelled at to learn a lesson. I can see the actions of others, how they do things that will end up not working to their advantage, and I can learn from all this. It makes my life 10x easier and it makes me a happier person. It's like reading a book on the "what not to do's of life."
So with saying all that, life I posted on a pervious blog post- I can't make anyone change. Well... scratch that. I can make people change. But more likely than not it is completely unwillingly and it will never be a healthy relationship again. When you start making people act a certain way, the way that you want them to, the relationship has taken a turn for the worst. And the worst part is, most people don't understand that until it is too late. Although, some are lucky and do.
I swear that I am way too young to be learning lessons like this.
My conclusion spoke to me even more though. I started thinking about why I am in this situation. And when I realized the answer, everything changed. Because I am letting myself be. I was letting myself stoop down to a level that I do not belong in. I carry myself highly, because I have earned that seating in life. I have not come this far in life to fall backwards. If there are people who drag me down in life- buh-bye. I have been in that situation before and let me tell you, I took care of it.
In the midst of wondering why I let myself fall this low, the answer became even more clear. Because the universe is testing me. It is seeing if I have what it takes to be the bigger, better person that I know I am.
So what did I do? I gave in.
Not because I am weak. Not because I want peace with others. Not because I couldn't handle it anymore.
Because I am strong. Because I am the bigger person. Because I am mature. Because I want peace with myself.
The actions that I make, I do not make them for the sake of others. That is another lesson in itself that I have learned. But I refuse to let others dictate my life any longer. I am a strong, confident, independent 19 year old girl, and I let me tell you, I am way farther along in life than 85% of people that are my age. And no I don't say that because I think that, I say it because I have heard it from numerous adults, who can see how my maturity level is way farther along than most. When a life coach tells you that you are farther along- I would hope you believe it too.
Well- after I realized my epiphany, of course I had to share it. Some thought I was weak, some thought I was strong, others thought I was getting walked on, but most importantly- my elders thought I was being mature.
I know I have made the correct decision when my mother and my boss are proud of me. I go to my mother for everything, and I always go to my boss for advice. They both were beyond proud of me that I have learned this lesson. I always have these long life lesson talks with my boss, and for some reason he was even more proud of me for this particular one. He was so proud of my for backing down and letting the negative energy flow out of my body.
Sometimes in life the mature thing to do is never the easy thing. But it is always the right thing to do. I have had many encounters with having to do the mature thing because others cannot come to terms with it. Maturity does not come with age. Maturity comes with practice, patience, and a hell of a lot of drive. You can follow the paths of others, and take the easy way out. But like most people- you will end up with nothing. People like myself will end up with everything.
After this life lesson, I cannot wait for the next one. I keep learning new things in life almost everyday. The best part is, each and every day I become a better person. Not because I get put in these situations, because I try. I put effort in bettering my life. Give it a try, it will never steer you wrong :)