Well, I did it. My final grade from this semester was posted yesterday. There were points in this semester where I broke down, slacked off, and completely just fell on my face, but I ended up finishing with all A’s, B’s, and just one C (statistics). But that is okay because after already failing statistics once, I am perfectly OKAY with a C! I easily could’ve pulled off straight A’s this semester… but like I said, I slacked off a little, so I definitely deserved the grades that I got. As I am making my way through my Undergrad years of college, I am learning so much about myself.
- I actually am a good test taker.
- I have the capability to study.
- I can give good presentations in front of a class.
- I have good time management…when I want to.
- It IS possible for me to remember things...when I make a point to.
Unfortunately, since the end of the semester kicked my butt, I didn’t have time to get into the Christmas spirit like I truly wanted to. I remember the week before Thanksgiving when Shelby was visiting; we had hot chocolate and put up Christmas decorations (judge me all you want… she wasn’t going to be here to help me after Thanksgiving!). And now here we are… Christmas Eve… I swear time just keeps flying and I have no idea where it is going.
Now that school is over, I have had time to enjoy myself and I almost don’t know what to do with all the free time. I couldn’t have asked for a better start to my break though. Justin is visiting. Jess is home. Sam and Dan are up for Christmas. My dad got his surgery and is already feeling better. I got to do some retail therapy. I took a nap…AND DIDN’T FEEL BAD ABOUT IT. I was able to babysit the other day. I don’t realize how blessed I truly am. Lately, I have had a bunch of different (somewhat negative?) thoughts run through my mind and today I am going to flip the switch and change my mindset.
The biggest reason I wanted to post this is because I was thinking about my workout today. Justin and I did back today and I am super proud of myself because I was able to keep my lats activated the entire time… and not my traps! Justin was a big help here because he does a great job at keeping his traps relaxed. So anyways, during the workout, I can count a few times that I used the phrase “I can’t”. It was either, “I can’t do that much weight” or “I can’t do a pull up.” These comments were completely negative and unnecessary. Well guess what? I DID do that much weight AND tonight I pulled myself up, and my nose made it over the bar…
I can’t do what, again?
“I have been going to the gym consistently for over a year now, and I still weigh the same amount as I did a year ago…I have made no progress.”
This one has to be my favorite negative thought. (Is it a thing to have a favorite negative thought?)
Shelby texted me today and told me she was unhappy with the number she saw on the scale today. I am a big believer that a number is just a number. I am a healthy, fit, 21 year old woman who is 5’6 and weighs 145. My BMI will tell you that I am overweight… but pictures of me beg to differ. I have two statements to make here:
1) It is actually awesome that I have been able to maintain this weight. I have gained so much muscle and lost some fat in this process… all while maintaining a healthy figure. That is something to be happy about. Too many times I have caught myself comparing myself to someone who has seen results quicker than I have, when all along this was just me not being thankful for how far I have come. I have learned so much about fitness, nutrition, and health throughout this entire journey. I haven’t followed any plans you can buy offline or at the gym. I have tried new recipes and hated, I have gone weeks with not eating very well, and I have created workouts that haven't been very fun. But I have also found new foods that I love, figured out balance in my diet, and figured out how to create a proper workout. I have used workouts from the Internet before, but more likely than not, I like to add my own touch to them. I have gained confidence and I have learned how to MAINTAIN a given size and weight. Now, it is my decision if I want to learn what it is like to LOSE or GAIN. But losing, maintaining, and gaining are all very different…but they all take time and effort.
2) I am happy to say that I know where I went wrong in my fitness journey. A the beginning, I wanted so badly to change my body… it was the only thing I focused on. I have FINALLY changed my mindset. Now I focus on all the amazing things my body can do, not what it looks like. I don’t workout to make myself look good (YES! That is totally an amazing benefit that I am thankful for, don’t get me wrong) but most importantly, I workout because it makes me feel good. It is my ‘happy time’. So lately, I have decided to stop lifting as much. There are SO many things that I want to be able to do with my body, and focusing on lifting weights to change the look of my body is not going to get me there. I have decided to add a bunch of body weight exercises into my workout and endurance exercises. Why would I keep doing workouts that aren’t helping me get to where I want to be? I want to be able to walk on my hands and do amazing yoga strength poses.
I am so thankful for everything that has been given to me even when situations are not ideal. Uncle John gets transferred to Lynchburg and Sam and Dan no longer live in Manassas… BUT everyone is healthy and now my aunt and uncle are closer to the girls are school. Rachel is worried because she doesn't have a winter job... but at least she has money saved up AND now look at all the free time she has to concentrate on HER. Justin is stationed in North Carolina… but at least he is still mine. My sister moved to Georgia, but at least I have a cell phone and I can talk to her whenever I want to. My dad had to get another neck surgery and he is in pain… but he is alive. My face breaks out (my biggest insecurity), at least my boyfriend accepts me and at least I am able to purchase make-up to help cover up the blemish, of course ;) There are so many positives and blessings in my life.
God has a funny way of expressing your blessings sometimes… but you ARE blessed. Sometimes you just have to look a little harder.
Merry Christmas Eve, everyone.